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  1. We do not talk money, salaries or promotions at work. Provision is of the Lord. Any success is attributed to ‘kujaribu tu’.
  2. Let’s face it, we are all lactose intolerant but we only insist because ‘strong’ tea is apparently synonymous with poverty.
  3. Every firstborn is a love child. Still, procreation before marriage is forbidden. Ask your folks.
  4. Significant weight gain is correlated to improved health and is associated with wealth. Obesity is a myth.
  5. Are you even siblings if you do not constantly trade insults?
  6. None of your parents are capable of passing wind. Flatulence is a backward trait reserved for their offspring.
  7. Whoopings are mandatory.
  8. Rest is a sin. It is construed as indolence. And you won’t have any of it under your mother’s watch.
  9. We do not speak words of endearments or affirmations to each other. It’s a bit too tacky telling your father you love him.
  10. Growing up is realizing they were playing good cop bad cop all along. They were both in on it. That beating your mother was consoling you about; she had seriously vouched for.
  11. Fathers are incapable of hugs and wrapping their arms around their sons. Feelings are insufferable to them.
  12. Most times, there are no specified meal times. You eat what you get. That’s if you get anything anyway.
  13. The employment of passive aggression and rye sarcasm are crucial to effective communication in these homes.
  14. SEX!? What is that? Who does that? I’m afraid we don’t do that here neither do we talk about it
  15. Wardrobes and clothes are shared commodities. The only thing that belongs to you is you.
  16. There is one seat in the house that is de-facto reserved. Even mosquitoes fear it. The man of the house sits there. It’s the throne.
  17. When sent to the kiosk be sure to return change. Even if it’s a red cent. It’s always been a booby trap.

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