It certainly is a random afternoon, most probably on a weekday. Keeping tabs with reality is not a task you labour yourself with anymore. By far, 2020 seems to be a lost cause and as it stands you are sitting it out, waiting for a fresh start marked by a new calendar.
This specific afternoon finds you holed up and slouched in your favourite couch busying yourself with nothing. You opt to reach out for your phone and do the necessary; log on to the internet. In there, you do the usual; skip motivational quotes, lament government, check sports updates and refresh your feed.
Somehow, you find yourself on one of those apps that makes you despise your social life. An app that invalidates your presence on earth and neuters your ego. That app is Snapchat and all you are there for, is to devour the delightful looks girls are serving and go back to leading a dog’s life. One of your boys posts on his story and it so happens that he’s been out and about mingling with the opposite sex. He’s surrounded by a bevy of beauties, narrating the beam on his face. His joy is justified because every young man is gleeful in the company of attractive women.
One of those girls, however, captures your attention irrevocably. She is a peach and for a jiffy, her appeal paralyses all your senses. You stare on with your mouth ajar while solving equations on how you get to know her. Luckily, your friend was benevolent enough to tag her. In a knee-jerk reaction, the aroused predator in you does the rest; sends request then waits for assent.
After viewing one story too many, it’s time for a shift to another platform, Snapchat is not doing your esteem any good. What’s worse is that this switch is ill-advised because let’s face it, nobody heads over to Instagram to feel better about themselves. Everyone is thriving in luxury then there is you the broke one; a church mouse contaminating Mark’s app with wretchedness. But hey, there you are and in Leonardo DiCaprio’s most iconic words, “you are not effing leaving!”
Anyway you keep scrolling through your feed then alas! She pops up at the top of your screen. It cannot be a coincidence, can it? In celebration, you ululate in honour of the savvy internet algorithms that are aligning your stars – Zuckerberg sure knows your type. Hesitant, you decide against adding her on Instagram because your resume is still pending reply on the other side. It would be creepy, she may even sue you for espionage, who knows? For now, restraint it is. Next up, you scan her bio and page just to affirm your persuasions. What at first started as a desperate plunge into the internet, has now become an exhilarating venture. Her page is not private and right away you dig into all that’s there for seeing. The pictures are different but they synonymously tell the same story. Those of a stunning heiress. While there, two things happen at a go. Initially you are bedazzled but eventually end up dejected. It seems she’s beyond you, way out of your league. And yes when it comes to dating in Nairobi, class is a factor. Here, you not only live within your means but also date within your means. Coming to terms is painful, it hurts but you have to get used to it.
Going by her photo catalogue, most of her pictures were taken in foreign places. Places that you only get to visit when perusing atlases. Places that you may see, at best, through Google maps. Clearly, she has a functioning passport and yours expired in 2018. She spruces up neat and your sense of fashion is questionable. She is photogenic and adding you to her life will only serve to neutralize that effect.
Throwing in the towel, perhaps, is your remaining option but scattered murmurs linger within your chest and you stay adamant. The dominion in you roars and the innate alpha voice echoes your sentiments, “Kwani iko nini? Mimi ni nani?’’ To mean who am I? What am I to lose by trying? The cynical attitude wears on and you wishfully think, “Something must kill a man!’’
Later on that night as you retire to bed the utopia refuses to wear off. It keeps orbiting around one aspect about her that you find so engrossing. Her names. There is nothing exotic about them. How could a girl that is so universally enchanting have such native names? How does a well-travelled girl that has surely set foot overseas and rubbed shoulders with a multitude of civilizations choose to remain so remote? Chooses to root herself deeply in her culture yet she is of age and has sprouted beyond borders. She even goes on to brandish them on her socials as a badge of pride in her motherland. It baffles you. It baffles you that maybe she is not so out of reach as you thought. It baffles you that maybe the only reason she looked distant is because you viewed her from a phone away. It baffles you because she bore names so authentic and indigenous they made you feel alien. That her names were so African they made you feel at home.
Following morning, you wake up to a notification on your phone’s screen. Voila! It’s her. 10 minutes ago, she accepted the snapchat overture you made the previous day. The pieces of this jigsaw are gradually falling into place. You make hay while the sun shines and in no time you are in her inbox. Those murmurs that were whispering in your chest are getting louder and now it feels as if your torso is broadening. And the macho man in you, is taking shape. But you are cautious because you have experience of dropping the ball too early. Or rather you being the ball and being dropped as soon as you say hi. It happens, its life. There is no male textbook without a chapter on rejection. So you manage your expectations but one thing is definite. You are spitting mad game.
In the wake of introducing yourself, first thing you do is inquire about her name because you slept mulling over it. She expounds and it amazes you. Her heritage, is a symphony of two ancestries. She is Taita but hails from Central. She is a medley of the coast and the hills.
Much to your surprise she keeps on replying. Not once, not twice, not thrice…It’s edging close to a month now and both of you are still enthused in conversation; retaining a virtual rapport. One evening, without prior notice and out of pocket she video calls you. It finds you wrong-footed, I mean how could she? You are reluctant to pick because you are as shabby as a porcupine. But what the heck? A few weeks back you were grappling with your punctured ego wondering if you would get just a text back. And so you pick
She too, is in her element. In a dera speaking from the comfort of her bed. She appears gracious as though hallowed right from the pearly gates. Her looks, are the gifts that keep on giving. At this juncture she is free of the façade of make-up and speaks to you with her face in an utter state of nature. Adorning her face is a delicate amount of freckles dotting the stories of her life’s journey. Lining out her tapestry down from the coast to the mountain top in central. She has lean eyes that peter out at the edges. Eyes that are very economical and only dilate when she sees the best in people. She regales in your tales and so do you in hers. She vastly piques your interest.
With each passing moon she coaxes your conscience more. Suddenly your eggs taste better. Suddenly, daybreak for you commences in anticipation of her messages. Suddenly the kiddo in you is awakened and there’s a glisten to your eyelids again. Maybe its infatuation, maybe it’s the folly of youth but you cannot recall when last a lass stirred your gizzards like this. She litters your mind with unholy imaginations at ungodly hours. Imaginations of how it takes two to tango, of course with her – your nouveau found Aphrodite.
Her attributes keep you fascinated. She is petite, housed in a fitting waistline but gives you latitude to express yourself – open to your thoughts, fears, tendencies and ambitions. She is willing to join you in supporting Manchester United. For all the positions she could play in your life, she is definitely a keeper. Her skin has an auburn texture to it and apes the rising sun. The benign rising sun that simultaneously threatens to burn. She smoulders through your emotions in a similar fashion – hot and painlessly. She has the heart of a titan carrying herself with enviable etiquette. Constantly concerned with her well-being and by extension yours. She is unwilling to offend and quick to amend. Nay is she a sloth, each day she is on course fulfilling her dreams of grandeur. She is a model to emulate and mirrors a lot you are striving to be. Undoubtedly, she enhances your persona.
Soon she asks to meet you and the onus of hosting a date is on you. But you are financially compromised and you walk in pants with hollowed pockets. You make haste to make an extra quid and save up for this date – a quality date. Especially since she has a passport and you do not, she always has the option of taking flight. You hope she can wait. You hope that you will impress on the D day because she is incapable of disappointing. You are aware that the train does not stop twice and this is the maiden chance you have. You are aware that other men with better furnished wallets do have a knack for such a ravishing and jarring lady as well. But you are also well aware that there is no monetary price to her value. For now, she drives you loco. This girl who’s from the coast and the hills.
